As we all know, on the 27th of January, the Lagos state government announced a ban on the activities of keke and okada, in 15 of the 57 Local governments and LCDAs. This ban also included bike hailing services and restricted all parties mentioned from plying highways and bridges
This ban was effective from the 1st of February, that was yesterday. A promise was made to provide more buses to balance out the transportation handicap, but I guess they’re still on the high seas.
Day one of the ban implementation had all of Lagos so sore from trekking around, if you listen closely, over the sounds of what we once thought was a metropolis, you’ll hear the sounds of aching and creaking bones, yours as well as mine.
A family friend of mine who works as a nurse, jokingly said arthritis will soon become the in-thing.
I not only reject that prognosis for you and I, but I have done better by brainstorming on 7 alternatives to getting around without the help of keke and okada. Read them here:
7 Alternatives to Keke and Okada Ban
1. Get a (new) and mobile bae
Well think about it, all this pre-colonisation era waka is bound to have you looking unfresh. Do you really want that?
Valentine’s is around the corner o, now will be the best time to get a new guy or babe with a ride, with so much love on their brain, they’ll gladly be your personal uber.
Acquiring a glucose guardian, a.k.a sugar daddy/ mummy that can upgrade your transportation story from a leggedis Benz to the actual is also a viable option.
Remember, if Bolanle, could do it, so can you!
2. Break a Leg (Not Okada Type Oh!!!)
Well not quite so literally o. Rather, all you have to do is let your inner Nollywood diva out. Then when you’re sure you’ve zeroed in on the right target, fake a collision with said target’s vehicle, starring you as the poor pedestrian who was trekking to Okoko Maiko or somewhere ridiculously far to earn a living for your family of 10.
The rest is history that can earn you either said lover in point one, a chance to be chauffeur driven for a good while, or maybe, some time in the slammer. But hey, winners are risk takers.
3. Become NURTW staff (As Keke and Okada No Dey)
So, every time the conductor says ‘owo da,’ you’ll reply, ‘staff ni mi, omo iya.’ And then like the one true Marlian lord, proceed to look away.
4. Become modern day Kunta Kinte:
Think about it, what if the government is preparing us for WW3? You really don’t want to be weak and helpless. So, next time you step out, don’t forget to go with a sword and a spear and Jesus sandals on your feet.
The spike in the number of miles you’ll walk might shock your fitness app at first, but you’re sure to make it proud.
And if no war comes? Well, that’s how you’ve become a sexy beast. Look at you!
5. Go back to your village
They said Lagos was a megacity, so you came to chop from this city life and then they banned keke and okada. Abeg, megacity that doesn’t have adequate transportation plans, is that one megacity?
My guy, don’t worry, village life is sweet, abi don’t you just miss loving up with your village sweetheart under the mango tree? Omo, forget about this wannabe megacity jare, Nkechi’s love is sweeter than naira.
6. Join the Local Airforce
No need to beat around the bush, I’m pretty sure you know what I mean. Recall that adage that says ‘when the hunter has learned to fire without aiming, the birds must fly without perching.’ Except in this case, you’ll only just be getting your wings.
I don’t know much about this transformation but I’m sure our Edo brothers and sisters can help you out there.
7. Don’t Go Anywhere (See Wetin Keke and Okada Don Cause)
Shike-what? Shikena. Lagos state decided to play rough play with us and said ‘pick two,’ while also announcing ‘semi last card’ but with this, you get to not only respond with ‘hold on’ but ‘pick three,’ and finally; ‘last card!’ And that’s how you check up on this heartless policy. Now who cares if there’s no keke and okada?
Well don’t just thank me for my super helpful alternatives, go right ahead and share this article with someone you love. And do have a great week, you lovely Israelite.